Why single women are winning at Lockdown

It obviously isn’t a competition. And I’m in no way bragging. I’m one of the fortunate few that is managing to hold down a living, working from home during the pandemic. But as I sit here in week 3 of Lockdown2, working an 8 hour day in the calm of my own sitting room, with plentiful tea mugs and the radio on, my cat sleeps a metre away from me. An exquisitely formed, furry ball. She is purring and snoring lightly. I feel calm. And happy. It may just be that my endorphin levels are naturally very high this morning. It’s more likely it’s because my cat makes me feel amazing.

Crazy Cat Lady. The ubiquitous trope of single spinsterdom. Poor dear at home cuddling her cat on an armchair, as she laments her lack of human contact, surrounded by overflowing cat litter trays. Most likely descended from the witch, she’s the ‘modern’ version of a woman who shuns her role in society, taken off the cliché-shelf every decade or so, dusted-off and given the nod. “Yep, still belittling single, child-free women. Not as offensive as an actual witch. But let’s keep “crazy” for good measure. She’s good.” And she is released again into the public psyche, reinforced in buzzfeeds and memes, on mugs, in cards. As a child-less, man-less woman, she’s still disrespecting the Patriarchy. Making her “crazy”, giving her dubious dress-sense and a lack of love for the dustbuster is just the Patriarchy’s way of disrespecting her back. 

Cut to the real world. November 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic and my sitting room again. Apart from the background noise of the radio, and the odd car outside, reminding me that life is indeed going on out there, there’s no-one else here. There hasn’t been anyone else here for weeks. And I’m absolutely fine with that. This is because I’m alone, or rather not completely alone. I’m alone with my little cat.

I was a bit surprised by how quickly I adapted to this new world/dystopia that we all unwillingly exist in. I’ve always been sociable, love being “out” with friends, and would traipse back and forth between social engagements most evenings and more at the weekends, back in the days when we could. Things are now very different; a bit boring. But calm. I can speak to my friends whenever I like, on a video call or by phone. I don’t miss them. But I need my little cat with me IRL. Let’s be clear, in no way have I ever thought of my cat as a way of replacing a need for human affection. It is an entirely different relationship to either a friend, partner or child, one that is chosen out of mutual respect for independence, personality and above all difference. And I think her purring somehow modulates my own internal rhythms, meaning her physical presence close to me is required to keep me whole. And also, she’d be really shit on Zoom.

I find the term “Fur-Baby” offensive, my cat is nothing like a baby. Humans and cats are so very different from one another, yet they rub along well in a sort of symbiotic respect stand-off; cat performs statutory food dance; human feeds cat. Human finds comfortable place to sit or lie, cat attends same spot and enhances bliss. If you are single and you have a cat, the cat complements your singleness. And it makes it awesome. On the flip side, if you do choose to give up your own autonomy and you go on to find a partner and indeed have a baby, you will go on to have a partner, a baby AND a cat. Because the three do very different things. And you can never get rid of the cat, because you really bloody love it. 

And that brings me to online dating. Another Lockdown staple. Inherently flawed, as you technically have to wait until after lockdown to meet IRL, unless you fancy a cold walk around a park. In 2017 a survey by the Pet Food Manufacturers’ Association found that in the UK, more men have pet cats than women (two thirds of cat owners are men in fact). For centuries we twisted, lonely women have worked hard at making cat-ownership our very own, and now it is being taken away from us! Exactly the same thing is happening in Pilates. Cat-chelors (it’s a thing, Google it) on online dating sites are apparently being overlooked more by women than their cat-free counterparts. So maybe the curse of the cat affects both sexes equally? Well, the affinity between cats and singledom does seem to be gender-blind if this is true. I’d love to know what percentage of male cat-owners is single vs the percentage of single female cat-owners, that data currently doesn’t exist. But I’m going to stick my neck out here and venture an opinion that in the online-dating-verse, women with cats aren’t perceived as that crazy anymore. Perhaps the years of cliché has resulted in something none of us expected; it has been normalised. With popstars such as Taylor Swift and Katie Perry publicly loving their felines, has it even become cool? All I know is, in dating, men don’t seem to recoil in horror when they see a picture of me holding up my grimacing pussycat (but not obscuring my neatly-applied lipstick). It is a point of interest. On my dating profile, I’ve skipped the question about children and written instead about my cat-friend. It’s always a talking point, or sometimes even a shared thing in common. When the response is something akin to “I’ve got a cat too. He’s called…” I instantly know I’m going to like this person, because they understand the same fundamentals as me; cats are great. But also they have a deeper understanding of the feline psyche and therefore the human condition; respecting independence, quirkiness, intelligence and having an appreciation of beauty and agility…. ok, maybe not all of that. But it’s a really good start. Point is, women get dates because of their cats, not in spite of them.

Another possible romantic alley that a cat opens up for you is access to vets. Vets are by nature compassionate, clever and romantically devastating. If you are unlucky enough to have one that is none of the above, I encourage you to change veterinary practice immediately. This may be the only potential you have during these locked-down times to meet an actual human with such credentials. 

Most importantly of all, when you are living alone: Cats are hilarious. During such serious and yes, unprecedented times, a girl needs a laugh. Not that cats have a GSOH, they actually have no SOH, but they are very, very funny. My cat is a perfectly-drawn comedy character, replete with flaws: Pride, supreme self-consciousness, lack of self awareness and pathological hunger issues. The potential for day-to-day comedy gold is limitless. Just ask Youtube. Do people with babies have as much fun as I do with my cat?

As Sigmend Freud said “Time spent with cats is never wasted”.  What better way to start groundhog day during Lockdown, than with an affectionate cat waiting to be fed? Yes, we know it’s a reciprocal arrangement, and we respect each other for that. We can learn a lot from a cat’s daily routine in general; they’re dedicated entirely to the task in hand and take their time only doing a few things each day. A cat never holds a grudge. A cat also never interferes with anyone else’s schedule. They’re cool like that.

Not only is my relationship with my cat the most robustly pandemic-proof that I have, it is also the least demanding and most rewarding. The pandemic could go on forever, and my life would continue to be better with a cat in it. And what’s more, when this holy mess is over, unlike with a more responsibility-focussed house-mate like, say, a child or partner, I’ll be able to go out as much as I like. Hell, I can even go on holiday. And I won’t have to take my cat with me. I think about the cliche of the crazy cat woman as I sit alone in my quiet flat with my cat, writing an article about single women and cats and wonder, is it even an insult anymore? If you love independence (yours and in general), a moggy is the perfect life-partner. You can choose how you want to frame it, because the cat isn’t bothered about labels and you will never have to pay for therapy for it. They will do as they please, and at the same time basically fit in around you. They have soft fur and velvet faces. They will comfort you when you need them. They will leave you alone when you have shit to do. They are a woman’s perfect lockdown companion for life.